Mistério molecular
24/07/13 03:00Vou ter que confessar em alto e bom tom. Não sei fazer nada desta culinária moderna de bolinhas e vapores etc. e tal. E o nosso chef também não. Até fui a uma aula onde vendiam os gadgets, acho que o mal foi esse.
Utensílios, botões, tempos. Não tenho celular, matei o meu com sapatadas faz tempo. De manhã, tenho que fazer uma pequena prece para que a máquina de café funcione. À noite, a televisão se apaga subitamente e ninguém sabe me explicar por que nem qual dos controles usar para ligar de novo.
Nem pensar em gravar programas, pobre de mim, não sei responder às cartas do meu blog, fico no escuro porque não percebo que é hora de acender a luz, fogões complicados nem pensar.
Em matéria de culinária, o processador não é de todo amigável na hora de encaixar a tampa, e a mais nova das batedeiras nunca será tão minha amiga quanto uma antiga Sunbeam, perfeita.
Logo, a cozinha de Adrià ficou um mistério insondável para mim. Acredito que, se fosse em pequena escala, eu até teria aprendido alguma coisa, mas em bufê é tudo insuportavelmente grande. Uma pequena máquina não funciona para 500 pessoas, há que ter umas dez delas.
E vejo que a moda já vai se esvaindo pelos meus dedos, saindo de moda, entenderam, moda saindo de moda, e eu aqui, burra, vulnerável, nem uma azeitona falsa consegui fazer.
Nem me perguntem o porquê dessas barreiras, mas esse é um pedido de socorro. Alguém quer vir aqui nos ensinar antes que a cozinha técnica, molecular, tenha morrido de vez?
Não me conformo. Preciso comprar xantana, lecitina, aprender a fazer nuvens, bolhas, sifões, metilcelulose, alginato de sódio. Preciso aprender a fazer macarrão de manga crua, pérolas gelatinosas, fluidas, quero esferificar minha picanha, fazer caviar de abóbora, coelhos líquidos e leites acoelhados.
Quero suspender minhas partículas, comprimir, centrifugar, evaporar, hidratar, secar, transformar pudins em pedras.
Onde estão o methocelF50, o ágar elástico, os diglicérides, a pectina, a maltodextrina?
Tenho uns sites que percorro alucinada: Modernist Cooking Made Easy (www.modernistcookingmadeeasy.com) e manual dos hidrocoloides, para ajudar com os ingredientes (www.cookingissues.com/primers/hydrocolloids-primer).
Pode-se comprar um aplicativo para iPhone e iPad, assim como um para Android. Na loja de aplicativos, procure por ”molecular gastronomy”.
Leitores, não estou ironizando. Acho que cada movimento chega sempre muito novidadeiro e, quando se vai, deixa para trás alguma coisa sólida e boa.
Estou aqui, humilde, esperando as dicas, o nome de alguém que possa ensinar ao bufê o que houver de melhor nessas modernidades.
Não quero que os clientes nos surpreendam com colher de pau, farinha de mandioca e picadinho de ponta de faca. Até quero, mas tudo feito com xantana, em espumas de bolhas. E quando morrer, não quero choro nem vela e sim que me enterrem defumada e em “sous-vide”. Para o que der e vier.
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